every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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