oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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