you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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