guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize
