what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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