You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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