i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
