my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
