Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
