somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize