i can't believe i had my finger in that
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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