i permit you to call me
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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