What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
