ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
and you fell through a lawn chair
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
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