You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
