I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize