Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
