My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Randomize
