she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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