I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Randomize
