Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
