I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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