omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Couch. On fire.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize