Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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