Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
