He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
