I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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