have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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