Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
You can't just leave with hair like that
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
