You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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