i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
