Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
