I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
