I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
