This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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