If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
