i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
