Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
