theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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