Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
