12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
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