Fine. I'll sleep in my office
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
