I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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