I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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