Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
