i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
