Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
