M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
