I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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