If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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