she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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