Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
