I'm going to jail i love you
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
