hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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