I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
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