I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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