He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I have aggressive nipples.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
