if you like me you must not know who I am
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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